Thursday

It was sort of a snow day yesterday. K school started late and DH ended up staying home from work because of the weather. Today is sunny but very cold and lots of ice on the roads. K and I are going to stay home today maybe go get some cat food but that is it. Yes I know I have the most exciting life hahaha.
I have gained some weight and it is very upsetting. I have been eating not good for the last few weeks but I am now working hard to lose the weight and eat better. Food just sucks I hate it. It is not enjoyable anymore. Any time I eat something anything I feel bad like I should not be eating. I need to lose 30lbs to get to my goal but I am struggling BAD. I am starting to feel like food is the enemy. Even food that is ok to eat feel like the wrong food to be eating.

Less space

So, when I was bigger I weighted 392 at my highest. I took up a lot of space. I am used to people staying away from me. But now that I am down to 200lbs I take up a lot less space and people are alot closer to me. It is weird. People would go out of the way to avoid being near me because of how big I was. Now, people don't do that. People are closer to me in my personal space and I am uncomfortable with it but I am sure over time I will be ok with it. Also there is less of me and I am working on being happy with that. I don't feel like a success but I have lost 192lbs so I should feel like a success. I am having a hard time now with snacking and grazing. It seems like when ever I am home I am snacking and this is very bad. So I have promised myself that I will stop snacking. It is hard though because I am bored most of the time and it is easy just to grab some crackers. This is emotional eating. But I want to lose 30 more pounds and I have to stop snacking.

Still Here

I am still here, just have felt like I have nothing to say. I am having problems with being very unhappy. I am really tired of living with my in-laws. I really want my own home. But it will be months before we can afford to buy. I appreciate the opportunity they are giving us to save for a down payment but I am home so much that it is very hard for me. Also I can't find a job. I have had some really bad job interviews in the last 2 weeks. One interview turned out to be 3 hours long and was a big waste of time. The last person that interviewed me there, the owner, asked the worst stupidest questions. Another interview told me when I got there after spending the morning getting ready that the person interviewing me didn't show up and would call me back. But never did and when I called to see if the interview would be rescheduled the bitch on the phone hung up on me. Whatever Fantastic Sams in Hillborough you are all a bitches.
So as you can read I am having problems finding a job. Also I am in a stall with my weight and feeling so discouraged. I don't have much support here and that is making a big difference.

But I am going to try to post more often


Shauna