Thursday

It would be so nice to have at least one friend. I don't have any friends. No one to talk to. No one to complain about my husband and kids too. No one to tell the funny things that happen or the bad things that happen. No one. It is hard to not have anyone to talk to during the day. No one to say "Hey daughter did this funny thing". I don't have anyone. It is hard being alone.

Life right now

Life in our house right now is very hard to deal with. We are struggling very much with money and bills. My husband makes a very good salary but we don't have enough money to pay bills and pay for all the other basics. I am very frugal. We don't get out, I coupon and we just don't spend much money. We just are not making it. I have very bad ppd and my husband also has depression issues. Plus we both take alot of different medicines and those are expensive. We are lucky to have medical insurance but the monthly charge and copay when up in May, so that is taking alot of our money. It feels like we are hanging on by a thread. I know our life could be worst and I probably should not be complaining but this is my blog and I need to just share my struggles and feelings.

MIL is very critical of us and she called last night. She was rude to husband and made him cry. MIL/FIL treat husband(their son) like he is a loser AND HE IS NOT!! This makes me so angry! They treat their 1st son husbands brother like he is gods gift to the world. When truthfully he is a jerk who thinks he is better then us. They make me so upset for the way my husband is treated by them, all of them. My husband is a wonderful man, husband, and father. He does his best to take care of us. He treats me so well and to see his own family act that way makes me want to scream.

Daughter most likely has ADHD. She is so hard to deal with at times. She is a big girl. Almost 5 ft tall at 5 yrs old. Also she is very overweight. I am taking her to doctors to find out what is going on. But this is a very upsetting situation. She is very smart and loving. She is very caring and wonderful. I love her very much. My family, ie my parents, are very critical of her and us. I am so tired of how much my mother criticizes us about daughter. There are times I just want to say "Shut the F*ck up Mom".

Baby boy is doing good. He has colic and crys all the time. This is so hard to deal with. He is getting very long. He has grown 9 inches in 6 months. He is such a sweet boy. I love him.

There are many times when my life feel like to much to handle. But Thank God I have a sweet little girl and baby boy to care for. They keep me alive.

Broken Toe

I broke one of my toes last week. I was walking up the stairs to my bedroom and hit the wall with my foot. It hurt so bad, I actually feel on the floor and screamed. My daughter came running up the stairs. Which is surprising because she never listens or pays attention. My toe turned black pretty quickly. I am always "stubbing" my toes but this was much different. I went to the foot dr the next day and after an x-ray was told it was broken. But there is not much you can do for a broken toe. So now I am wearing a shoe thing on my foot and taking medicine. But even after a week it still hurts like hell.

I have decided to do alot more with this blog. I am going to be posting alot more about my daily life. It will be good and bad stuff. My life is not great right now so some of the post will not be good or happy but they will be about me, my family, my daily life and struggles and about life after weight loss surgery. It is not all good but hopefully it will be interesting.

Have a good day.

The Royal Wedding

Wow, It was amazing. What a wonderful service and wedding. They looked so happy and nervous. Princess Catherine's dress was gorgeous. I loved it. Prince William look so handsome. Prince Harry looked happy. Everything I saw on tv was just so exciting. It made me cry.

The Royal Wedding

I am so excited for The Royal Wedding. I will be getting up at 3am on friday to start watching it. I think Kate Middleton is so pretty and looks like a princess. I can't wait to see her dress. I really hope they have a wonderful day and a wonderful, happy, and loving married life. Prince Williams mother, Princess Diana, who I think was an Angel on earth, would be so happy for her son. I can't wait for friday.

Pretty Nails

On March 31, I had my graduation from Lincoln Tech College. I was able to get an mani/pedi that day because my husband stayed home. I love how my toes looked. Here is a picture. I used to get mani/pedis every week, with 2 kids at home it is more like every 2 months now.

NetBook

I bought my DH a netbook computer yesterday. We really didn't have the money but he totally deserved it. He works hard and good a great bonus. He spent some of the bonus on me and bought me a new Coach purse and Coach wallet. But he didn't get anything for him self. I wanted him to know how much he does for us and that I know he works very hard. He was so surprised. I think he loves it. I am glad.

Depression is very very bad today. Just trying to make it thru the day. Very hard being alive.

"Time Travelers Wife"

I just finished reading "The Time Travelers Wife". What a great book. I definitely recommend it to everyone. I just loved it. It made me love my husband even more then before reading it. I also bought the movie at Marshalls this past weekend. I haven't had a chance to watch it yet but am looking forward to seeing it.

We had a good weekend. Just did some errands and went shopping. DH finished putting together the dresser I bought for DS. It looks great in the bedroom. I also took DD shopping at Target for some new clothes. That was hard and a hassle, because she is hard to fit. But we got some cute shirts and dresses.

I am having a very hard time with chronic pain and Post Partum Depression. I am in pain all the time. The depression is really hard for me. I am barely hanging on. I just try to make it thru the day. I haven't told anyone how bad it really is. I have been depressed at times before but nothing this bad. I pretty much just want to stare at a wall or out the window all day. I can honestly say I am not suicidal because I don't want to leave my family. But I am as bad as can be without wanting to die. I am just hopeing I start to feel better soon.

On Saturday it was our wedding anniversary. We went to New Hope, PA. It was such a nice day. We were not able to leave the house until 2:30pm but we dropped the kids off at the in-laws and were walking around New Hope by 4:00. New Hope is right over the border from NJ on the Delaware river. It is a great town with lots of small shops. We had a slice of pizza which was really good. I have been to New Hope about 4 times and this was the nicest visit. I didn't buy to much but went into lots of shops.

After New Hope we went to dinner in the town we live in. It was an ok dinner not great but really nice to be at a restaurant without kids. After we went to dinner we went to the bookstore and then picked up the kids about 11pm. It was a wonderful day. One of the best anniversary yet. I love my husband so much.

February 26th 6 year wedding Anniversary

Happy 6th Anniversary to my wonderful husband, Andy. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful husband. We have a great life together. I love you Andy.

In 6 years we have moved across the country from Calfornia to New Jersey, had 2 kids, I went to school and became a medical asst., he found his hidden talent and is an awesome accountant.

We have had many hard times but we are still together and will be together forever. We are soul mates, lovers and best friends.
I love you Husband!

Foods that I haven't eaten in 3 years, since weight loss surgery.

There are a lot of foods that I can eat but many that I can't since I had weight loss surgery. I miss alot of foods but know that they would really hurt me if I eat them. Here is a list of foods I don't eat, can't eat or haven't eaten in 3 yrs.

1. Popcorn, any kind of popcorn, it could get suck in my pouch (stomach). I miss popcorn.

2. Soda, ie: Pepsi, Coke, and Sierra Mist.

3.Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches, peanut butter.

4. Panda Express Chinese food. I really miss these.

5. Rice, I can't eat any rice at all.

6. Most salads. Lettuce takes up space in pouch that could be used for protein.

7. Watermelon and lots of fruits. Too sweet.

8. Big Macs, Whoppers burgers and Burrito supremes from Taco bell. Don't really miss these.

9. Any kind of white bread. Can't eat much bread at all.

10. Fruit Juice

11. Lemonade, I used to drink lemonade every day. I loved it and I miss it.

12. Hard candy and any candy. Candy bars.

13. Brownies. Brownies are almost death to me the pain from eating them is so bad.

14. Most ice cream. I have tryed some but the sugar is too much for my pouch.

15. Donuts

There are so many foods that I don't eat or drink now. I don't miss to much of it. What I do miss the most is Lemonade, popcorn (kettle corn) and brownies. It is funny about the brownies because I didn't really eat them much before surgery.

Happy Tuesday

I had a good weekend. On Saturday, I got my haircut and a mani/pedi. I had a great day. I had not had my hair cut since before baby boy was born. I usual get my hair cut every 4-5 weeks. It had been 4 months, too long! At the nail salon also got a free mini facial. It was so nice. My face feels so soft and my nails look great. DH watched the kids all day, which was nice of him to do. It was my valentines day present. So wonderful.
On Sunday, the in-laws babysit the kids, so that dh and I could go out by ourselves. This rarely happens. We went to lunch, then went to Borders and bought some magazines. We also went to target. It was just a really nice day. Then we picked up baby boy and went grocery shopping. Princess Sunshine, daughter, stayed with in-laws. She is hard to handle at the grocery store so it was great to shop with DH. We also moved the living room furniture around. It was a nice weekend.
Yesterday, Valentines day, DH was sick and stayed home from work. It was nice having him home even if he was sick. I took Princess Sunshine to get her haircut and then we went to the store to buy some valentines stuff. DH had beautiful Red Roses sent to me. They are so pretty. He doesn't do this to often so it was a wonderful surprise. I was having problems with depression but it was still a nice day.
Today we are staying home and cleaning. I love to clean so this is fun for me. lol

Have a good day.

Wednesday

This is probably considered a depressing blog. Which is ok since I am very depressed.

Yesterday sucked, DD was such a brat. She is getting to be so hard to deal with. I know she is jealous of new baby brother, but jeez she could act better. I don't really know what to do with her. But she is almost out of control.

New Desk

On saturday we went to Target and got a new computer desk. It is so nice. What I was using for a computer desk was a tiny table with no space for anything. This new desk is big and a great dark color. I love it.

I am still having major problems with the depression. DH is being so supportive and that is wonderful. But it is getting harder to get thru the day. I am trying. Baby boy is doing good. DD is getting to be such a brat. When we were out on saturday she was horrible. I don't know why she is this way but it is very frustrating. She regularly ruins the weekends. She is so hard to deal with and she is only 5.

Thats about it for right now.

Its Thrusday

I have a 2mt old baby boy and a 5yr old girl. I have been having a little problem with depression since the birth of my son. I am taking medicine to help with it, but still feel very awful most of the time. Since I am depressed I am wanting to eat like all the time. This sucks! I worked so hard to lose weight since my weight loss surgery and now I am starting to gain weight. So this is adding to my depression. I am really struggling. I don't want to gain weight and I want to be happy once in a while. I am home alone with the kids all day long monday thru friday. It is hard because I have no friends or anyone to talk to. My husband is at work and I really can't bother him. He has been really supportive and helpful when he is here. I am trying to keep busy during the day but how much chores and cleaning can one person do very day.
So I am going to use this blog as a way to help my daily struggles and depression. I don't think anyone reads this blog but if someone does and you don't like my opinions or something I write then stop reading. I need a place to put my thoughts and feelings and I am going to try to use this blog to help myself.