Sunday

Andy and I went to NYC yesterday to see the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center. It was pretty and big. But it was so cold 24 degrees. We had lots of snow on Friday and it is supposed to snow today to. We had a good time in the city. I am still at 208 but I joined a gym on thursday so hopefully I can get to my goal soon. I have never been to a gym so it is a little weird but I think I am going to like it. I am eating to often. I am home and bored so eating to much. It is very hard to not eat. But I have to not eat when I am bored and not eat for 4-5 hours. It is a struggle. I wish I knew someone who had wls so I could talk to them but I don't. :(

We are pretty much ready for christmas here. Lots of presents under the tree. Christmas is not my favorite holiday so I don't have much to say about it.
Have a good day
Shauna

Monday

My mom is here visiting and we are having a great time. We went to NYC on saturday with DH and DD. There were so many people and it was very cold. But mom had a good time. Yesterday we went to the mall and had katie take a picture with Santa. She was good and the picture turned out good. Mom goes home tomorrow. Katie is really going to miss her. It actually hurts me and makes me sad to know how much Katie is going to miss her. I am going to miss her also. Today we are going to go walk around another mall since it is so cold. DH is sick so he is staying home today. I have lost alittle weight in the last few days. But I eat way to many cookies last night. WAY TO MANY CCOOKIES! After mom leaves I am going to focus more on getting a job and losting more weight to get to my goal of 170. I am really going to focus on what I am eating and how much I am eating. With a goal of getting my pouch to not hurt all the time.
Have a good day

Joining a Gym

I am thinking of joining a gym. I have a lot of free time when Katie is in school and now that I am trying to not spend money everyday, going to the gym is a good idea. I also feel that at this point in my life after wls I should be at a gym exercising. So now I have to find a gym and that will probably be intertesing but I want to exercising more so it is worth it. I am doing ok. I was sick over the Thanksgiving weekend and had to go to the emercengy room for dehydration, but I feel better now. I saw a bariatric dr on Monday and he said I was doing good with my weight loss. It was nice to hear that because sometimes I feel like I am not doing good because I am not at my goal of 170 yet. It has been 10 mts almost but I have been in a stall/slow losing time for about a month now. But I am not exercising so that might make a difference. I hope. I have decided to stop eating pasta. Yes I know that I am not supposed to eat pasta anyway but have started to because it is easy to make. So I am now going to make an effort to not eat pasta and focus on eating foods that won't hurt my pouch and make me sick. This being pouch sick all the time is hard to deal with but so is head hunger and boredom eating. I am just going to be strong and work on not having stomach/pouch aches all the time.

My mom arrives today for a visit for a week. Katie is very excited about seeing her. We are going to take her to NYC on saturday. We are driving in and it will be cold but fun. She is staying at a motel in town because we live with my in-laws and it would not work having her here. But I really wish she was staying here with us. This is just another reason for not spending money and saving for our own home. Which is the reason we are living with the in-laws, To Save Money For Our Own Home. Anyway I am very happy my mom will be here. I miss her so it will be nice to see her.
I am pretty much done with christmas shopping, just a few more things to buy. I went out on black friday at 5:45am and got a lot of shopping done. It was very fun to be out that early shopping by myself. I had a good time. All the other shoppers didn't bother me and I found good parking at all the stores I went to. Also I went to Avenue for they sale that was not worth it. I tryed on clothes and bought some jeans and 1 pr of boots but what I realized is that I am to small for Avenue. The clothes are too big for me. Which is awesome but also weird because I have been shopping at Avenue since I was 16 and it was Sizes Unlimited. So I have been shopping there for 23 yrs. It is my go to store for when I want something and now I am too small. Don't get me wrong I am very happy about this but it is just weird. Also I went in to The Gap on tuesday, I have always wanted to shop at the gap but never even went in the store because I was a fatty and would not fit in the clothes. But I went in on tuesday just to see if anything fit me and lowandbehold I can wear a xl or maybe even large at the gap. This is great I felt so good leaving the store. I didn't buy anything but I could of because it would of fit me. I felt uncomfortable going in the store because I still feel like a big fat blob but I went in anyway. I have to work on feeling good about myself and happy more.

Have a good day

Bored! and very tired

OK I need to find a job. I am so bored. I am having a huge problem with being dehydrated and I am starting to have the side effects with not drinking enough water or propel. I am drinking more but it is hard to drink enough liquid. Also MIL made cookies this weekend and of course I eat some, too many. My pouch is still upset from last weeks dumping episode and now I add cookies to it. Ya it is very hard at times to not be able to eat much. I feel pretty sick but not much I can do about it. I have to go get Katie soon and want to rest but don't want to mess up my hair, yes I am that vain. I am having a lot of head hunger.

So thanksgiving is in 2 days and this is the first thanksgiving since my surgery. It will not be to hard because my pouch is so upset but I wish we were just going out to dinner instead of having to be here all day with mil. DH will probably get upset for some stupid reason and if he does I am going to get mad at him. He ruined my birthday and Christmas with getting upset so this is the last chance. I am tired of living with the in laws, yes they are really helping us in so many good ways but fuck mil gets on my nerves at time. She puts to much focus on what I can and can't eat, just make what you want for dinner quit asking me what I can eat and if the dinner upset my stomach, Yes it did upset my stomach EVERYTHING DOES. Jeez shut up.

My mom visits next week and I am really looking forward to her being her. So is Katie. Katie calls my mom her"honey" so all Katie has been talking about lately is her honey.

have a good day

9 months

Wow 9 months ago today I had weight loss surgery. I have lost 134 since then, 210 total. I am glad I had the surgery. It has been a ruff ride but I would have the surgery again. I don't have any of the pains I had before the surgery. But I do have constant pouch pain and gas pain. Plus right now I am dealing with major depression. But I am not a big fat blob (what I used to call myself)anymore and I can buy my clothes at lots of different stores. I got a manicure today at a salon in Bridgewater mall. I went there on monday and got a good haircut, yes i also got my hair cut on monday last week. That hair cut sucked so I had to get my hair fixed and it looks much better. I am very lonely during the day when katie is in school. I need a job but can't find one. I made an appointment with a dr to get a flu shot next week. It is very cold here today and may snow tomorrow. I will probably stay home all day with Katie tomorrow.
have a good day

Monday

I weighed in at 210 today, this is great 40lbs to my goal. I had a job interview today at Macys, it was for a seasonal job. But it won't work for me because I would of had to work sat/sun and I can't do that. I am frustrated in trying to find a job but will keep on looking. I got my hair cut today at a place in the mall and my hair looks good. I am going to get a manicure there soon. I also started getting christmas gifts. Katie had a good time in preschool today and she sang the abc song to me in the car today. She is so smart. I had a good day today .

Still here

I am still here but don't feel like I have anything to say. I am very unhappy and really don't have anyone to talk to about it. DH doesn't seem to understand and he is to busy with work anyway. It is very upsetting how annoyed with Katie he gets. I don't like it and it ruins alot of the days we have together. He doesn't understand that she is a little child and that is how childern act. We had a good day on my birthday and then he ruins it in the evening.
This is what is going on now. Things will hopefully get better I hope.

Thursday

Well I have been feeling pretty depressed lately. I am disappointed that I can't find a job and I am lonely. I am home all day with DD and it has been hard for me. I don't have any friends here and of course can not call DH when he is at his new job. I has been very hard for me. I am so tired all the time. I am struggling with getting to my goal weight. But because I am home all day I am snacking. But today I am doing good with not snacking. I just feel like everything sucks. I have tryed to tell DH but he doesn't understand how depressed I am. It is hard not having anyone to talk to. DD starts school on Monday so I hope to be able to take some naps. But I have to find a job and I don't know where to look. I have looked at all the usual places but no jobs. I just feel like life sucks right now.

DH birthday is on Saturday. I feel bad that I don't have a big super duper gift for him. We just don't have the money for things. My birthday is on Sunday and I am sure it will suck. Since wls I can't have cake or my favorite ice cream cake anymore, and we don't have money for gifts so I really don't think I am going to have a good birthday. I am just so tired I will like to get into bed and sleep for days. Oh well

Have a good day
Shauna

Happy Halloween

Well today is Halloween and I am taking Katie trick-r-treating tonight. She is dressing up as a pirate puppy. This was her choice. She will look very cute. This is the first Halloween since my surgery and I am ok with not eating candy. Of course I would like to eat the whole bag of reese candy that is downstairs but I am not having a hard time not eating it.

This week has been hard for me because I have been missing Andy during the day and still have not job prospects. I just hope I find a job soon.
Well that about it for now.
Have a good day
Shauna

Still Here

I am still here just haven't posted for awhile. Katie and I went to CA for the weekend a few weeks ago to visit my family. Everyone said I looked really good with all the weight lose. Katie loved being with her tutu. Of course there was family drama involving my dad and brothers. Thank god I don't live there anymore. The airplane flights where fine for Katie but sucked for me. I hate flying! But it was great to go back and visit.
I found a really nice winter coat at Target in Rohnert Park and it was only $49. I wore it yesterday when it snowed, yes it snowed. Katie has not seen snow before so we went out but it was so damn cold. It was a very early snow storm here in NJ. It made me realize that I have no winter clothes at all, nothing warm. I was freezing all day. I am freezing all the time now anyway because of WLS but with the snow I was super cold.
Andy started his new job on Monday. He loves it and I am so glad he is working again but I really miss him and so does Katie. He was home for 3 months and we were together all the time. So it is hard not having him around. I am lonely and getting depressed a little bit. I have been looking for a job myself for a few weeks and can't kind one. I interviewed for a great job last week at a credit unoin but found out on monday that i didn't get it. This made me cry because I wanted this job. So I am pretty disappointed.
I am down to 213lbs, this is good. I want to be under 200 by the time mom visits in Dec. I am still struggling with not snacking or eating to much. It is hard because I am home all the time and there are so many f-ing snacks in this house. But I am trying. I also have to start walking again.
Thats it for now.
Shauna

New York City

My MIL gave Andy and I free tickets to The Phantom of the Opera in NYC for yesterday. We want and had such a great time. It was amazing to see a musical on Broadway. It was a good show, the actors were awesome. But more important we were in NYC. For the last week I have been saying to Andy that I want to go to NYC so it was great that we went. It was great being in the city. I want to move there but of course we won't. We took the train from New Brunswick and I have never taken a train before. It was ok, I got a little sick but it passed. Then we just walked alot. I didn't get tired at all. Since I have lost so much weight it was easy to walk so much. I also felt like I looked good. Andy eat a hot dog, pizza, and a pretzel. We also ate at Applebees on 42nd st. It was so much fun. I bought some things from a street vendor. I am going to give some of it to my mom when Katie and I go for a visit next weekend. It was just great to be alone with Andy for the whole day. We got along so well. It was nice. I would like to go to NYC every weekend but we don't have that kind of money. It was the best day in a long time!

Other news, I have a job interview the day after I get back from California. I will be tired but that is ok. It is in Princeton and I think I could do that job great.

Have a good day

Rainy Sunday

It has been raining all day. We had another garage sale yesterday. I am going to CA for a visit in a 2 weeks and needed money for the trip so another garage sale. It went fine and we made $200. Katie is coming with me to CA but Andy is staying here. Hopefully he gets a job before then so he can be working. I am still looking for a job but have had no answers to the resumes I have been sending out. It sucks because I really want to be working. I need to be making my own money. But I feel like such a loser since I have no career and have not been working for 3 years. I hope I get a job soon.

As of today I am 225lbs and I weight less then Andy. YAH! This was a big goal of mine and I am so happy about it. My next goal is to weight 220 by the time i go to CA on 0ct 9th. Everyday is hard for me. I stress and worry about my weight and not doing enough everyday all day long. I am now walking 2miles 5days a week. I am glad to be exercising. I have pain all the time. I think this may be normal and something I have to deal with forever now.

My MIL made a very hardful comment about my boobs being droopy. I was like wtf. It made me mad. I think she is jealous that I am losing weight so quickly because she is always telling me about her weight and what size she is. I remeber reading in a wls book that some people will be jealous and say bad things. So she is one of these people. We are still having a hard time but hopefully it will get better when he starts working again. At least I hope so.

Wednesday

Well the garage sale went good. Luckily on saturday morning it wasn't raining but the humidity was horrible. So we were able to have the sale until 1pm when it started raining. A lot of people came to the sale and on saturday we made $400. Sunday was not busy at all. We made $100. On sunday a really weird lady showed up and really baragined me down on many items but I figured that at least i am making some money on these things because what we didn't sell is going to goodwill. But this lady was very odd. I did not like her. She asked rude questions about things and was just disgusting. YUCK!
I am so glad to be done with the garage sale. It was such a hassle getting it together.

I went and applied for a job on monday so maybe I will get it. DH really needs to get a job. We have bills and need money, so he should be looking everyday for a job. I think he will feel better about things when he is working. We are having a hard time with things here. I would like to go to some sort of couples counseling but I don't think he would do this. Maybe.

I am having a hard time with the weight loss. My pouch has been really hurting for the last few weeks. I know I am eating to much and every day say I am going to do better but don't. I feel very bad about this and also feel like I don't have any support here. There are so many snacks in this house it is very hard not eating them, MIL makes dinner with things that I shouldn't be eating but I eat them anyway and when we go out I make the wrong choices for meals. I need to have the strength in me to make the right decisions about eating. I don't have anyone to talk to about the struggles of wls and not having the support I need it hard.

Garage Sale

Well it is supposed to rain ALOT tomorrow (saturday Sept. 6). I am having a garage sale tomorrow and have already paid for the ads in the paper and spent hours working on it. Now since it is supposed to be Tropicle Storm Hanna, I may have to cancel the sale. This is very frustrating for me. My husband says it is no big deal we will have it next weekend. I am still annoyed. Hopefully it doesn't rain. We will have it on Sunday also so maybe that day will be sunny.
Wish me luck

Update

It has been awhile since I posted anything and lots has happened. We moved to New Jersey the first week of August. We drove across country and it took 8 days. It was very intersting. I saw parts of the country I had not seen before. Katie did much better then I thought she would. We arrived in NJ on Aug. 9th. We are living with the inlaws Andys parents. We have the upstairs of their house. Katie has her own room, which she loves. It has taken Andy and I awhile to get everything organized and we are not done yet. I like it here. We are looking for jobs and haven't found anything yet. But it helps that we don't have to pay rent. We are having a garage sale on sat and sun. So have been working on that.

My goal by the day we moved was to have lost 100lbs since surgery date Feb 19 and I did
I was at 244. Now I am at 233. It has been hard eating. Andys mom has tons of food in the house and it has been very hard not snacking. Plus I haven't been excerising. So I have started making changes in the last few days because I am so close to 200lbs I want to get there before Christmas.

Since Katies birth 1/2006 I have lost 190lbs
Since Starting wls process I have lost 161lbs
Since Surgery date Feb 19 I have lost 111lbs
WOW

Ouch I hurt my back

So I hurt my back on Wednesday. What was I doing to hurt my back, you ask I was going to the bathroom. OK you can laugh thats ok laugh at my pain hahaha. I had just finished going to the bathroom and stood up and then fell on the floor in pain. I seemed to have muscle pain in the lower left side of my back. I went to the Dr yesterday and he gave me pain killers. The same pain killer I had after my weight loss surgery. It did take away some of the pain but made me very nauseous and tired. My back is still hurting. Because of this Katie had to be in daycare 4 days this week instead of 2 days. Not that we can really afford this with moving and all but I can't pick her up.

My mom is having a going away bar-b-que for us on Sunday so that should be fun. I have to bring my own food because she is not having anything I can eat and we are bring the makings for ice cream sundaes. It should be a good time.

Shauna

Today

So I have been in a bit of a stall in losing weight for the last 2 weeks. I hate this. It is very frustrating. I am walking in the mornings. I am working very hard to drink alot of water and propel. I have started to have half of a protein bar for breakfast so I am getting more protein. But I have been snacking a little bit on crackers when I am home during the day. Because I am bored and it is head hunger. So today I decided that I am stronger then the head hunger and as of right now I have had no crackers and I am not hungry. But I am still losing hair and having some pain. I went to the last support group last saturday since we are moving. I am going to miss that group. I really liked going to it. But I will find a group to go to in New Jersey.

Since my hair is falling out I decide to have it professional colored. Normal I color it myself a dark red. But I am tired of the red so, I had it colored dark brown and then added blond highlights. It looks totally different. Andy likes it and so does my mom. I like it but am still getting used to it. I have gone to the same hairdresser, Lisa, for 10 yrs and I am going to really miss her when we move. When I moved to Colorado to be with Andy, I would come and visit every few months and get my hair cut by Lisa. I am not sure that I am going to be able to do that with moving to NJ. So I will have to find a new hairdresser. But she is also my friend I am going to miss her.

2 weeks from today we move and it is going to be a crazy 2 weeks. I am very nervous and unsure about this but I do want to move so we can have a better life and own a home and have less debt. The having no money is so very hard to deal with. I really hope moving makes things better. It will be hard for a few months but hopefully it gets easier. I really hope so.

Shauna

Headache

I have had a headache for over a week now but right now it is not to bad. I think it is dehydration so I have been drinking lots of Propel and water. Plus I have had some pain lately but besides these 2 things I am doing good.
I went to the dentist today for a cleaning before we move to use the dental benefits before they end and my teeth are fine.
We are not doing much for 4th of july, just going to my mothers house for a barbecue. I am not sure what i will eat but I will figure it out.

Andy put his car up for sale today. We have to sell it before we move, so I really hope it sells. I don't know what we will do if it doesn't sell. Also Andys brother called him yesterday to say that he can't help us move. What a jerk! We asked him 2 months in advance and he was yes sure no problem. And now 3 weeks away from move and he can't help. This pissed me off big time. I have no plans to talk to him for a while or let him see Katie. We will have to hire someone to help us move and we don't have the money for that. This is way we are moving because we don't have money. He always acts like he is better the Andy and this is very annoying to me.

So my goal is to be at or below 244 by the time we move. This would be 100lbs since Feb. and it is only 13lbs from where i am now so I think I can do it. Cheer me on!!

Its Monday

I went to see my surgeon on friday and he said I was doing good. The pain I have is normal and will go away. He is a great dr. and I am going to miss him when we move to nj.

I am starting to get stressed about the move because we are moving in a month and there is so much to do. We have this big entertainment center that andy listed on freecycle last night so hopefully someone takes it in a few days. It will be awesome to get rid of that thing. I am happy to be moving but realized that i am really going to miss my mom and I feel bad because katie is really going to miss her tutu. But this move is very good for us and will help us get to our goal of owning a home and paying off our debt. But i am still going to miss my mom. OH Well.

sort of unhappy

I am having a hard time with depression right now. I think it has to do with all the stress from moving and losing so much hair. I know it will pass but it is hard to feel happy. I am losing weight and looking forward to not living in california anymore but still unhappy. It maybe because of the rapid weight loss and the fact that I can not eat to much anymore. I don't know.

I went thru all of the bags of katies clothes that don't fit anymore and i am now going to give away 4 trash bags full of baby clothes. I thought it would be hard to sort her clothes to give away but it was very easy. I am really happy to be going thru all of our stuff to give away before we move. I feel we have way to much stuff.

Hair loss

I am at 260lbs. today. That is awesome. But the hair loss I am having is shocking. I am losing so much hair. I had my hair cut short this past weekend. It is still shocking. Also I have been having headaches the last few days and I don't know if it is because of all the smoke in the air or what. It has been so smokey here the last few days that I have not been able to go walking in the morning. Hopefully the smoke clears soon so that I can go walking. I love getting up earlier to walk for a 1/2 hour.

Alittle about me

I had weight loss surgery (wls) in Feb. 2008 and as of today June 21 I have lost 81 lbs. I am married to Andy and have a wonderful daughter, Katie. I live in California but we are moving to New Jersey at the end of July.